Learning Wisdom from Others

I was able to have lunch with an amazing group of women a couple weeks ago.  They are more mature and experienced in life, marriage, family, and home than I am.  I absolutely enjoyed partaking of their conversation, advice, and stories.  Being the youngest in the group doesn’t happen as often as it used to.  One of the women apologized that I was having to socialize with “older” women and was worried I felt awkward.  Are you kidding?  I LOVED IT!! 

I learned new things about these women, home & family tricks, and how to better serve in my community.  One woman talked about her world champion horse, losing weight, and taking dance class.  Hooray for her!!  I enjoyed hearing about these positive things in her life.  Another woman came from work on her lunch break, and talked about her love of canning and preserving.  She brought a great tool she uses to keep her lids from sticking together!  And she shared a makeup tip.  Another gal talked about moving from California to Idaho to be near her best friend and sister and how she is so happy she made this change!  There was a new friend that told us about an organization she and her husband are a part of.  They get to go to Africa with families who are looking to adopt out of country.  They help in the orphanages with physical and emotional needs.  I was so humbled to hear of her passion and love for this cause.  One of the Ladies was already a friend of mine (the one who apologized); she shared her story of giving her kidney to her son with kidney disease.  She talked about the testing and the doctor’s doubts.  She shared her good health choices and how they made it possible to share her kidney with her son.  Another gal talked about traveling the world with her husband and how happy she is that they can enjoy it together.  She offered cleaning tips for the home.  The last lady to share told about an accident her husband had when falling off a ladder.  The head injury he received and the bleak outcome that the doctors have given him.  He is home, and she is his caretaker, for now.  They are hopeful, prayerful, and grateful.  She feels so lucky to still have him with her, no matter the challenge.  They are positive that they can work through this.

I shared my story of where I grew up, how I met my husband, and my current journey to Mrs. Idaho America.  I talked about my platform, Be The Positive.  I expressed the importance of having a positive attitude and having something that we enjoy to help us through the tough times.  I didn’t need to share for long.  These women have amazing experiences and positive attitudes.  They inspired me to be more positive that day!!  What a blessing for me to be invited to attend this luncheon.  Truly inspiring.  I now have 6 new friends.  None of which are old or boring!  Thank You Ladies for your wisdom and friendship.  The only thing I regret, is I didn't get any pictures!!!!  Oops!

Bullying

Bullying is a significant issue in United States schools. In fact, according to a recent report by the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, nearly 6 million American children are involved in some way with bullying—whether as the bully or the victim.

What is bullying?
The act of bullying occurs when one child manipulates another child through threats, violence or verbal abuse, or uses other intimidation tactics to force the child to do something or exclude the child from a group. Also, bullies most always have low self-esteem.   This can create the ‘Bully Cycle.’

There are different types of Bullying- Physical bullying, verbal bullying, cyber bullying and more.  Bullying can happen at school, home or in the neighborhood.  Bullying can leave victims feeling powerless, anxious, angry and depressed.

Bullying is often dismissed as part of growing up. But it's actually an early form of aggressive, violent behavior. Statistics show that one in four children who bully will have a criminal record before the age of 30.

Recently while speaking to a youth group we played an anti-bullying game based on Simon Says.  I shared the game hoping to teach the youth that they have shared qualities and differences, likes and dislikes. I had each of them write down one thing they like or is unique about them on a small piece of paper.  Then I drew each paper & game them different instructions.  i.e. the paper said "I Like Music".  I said- "Simon Says- Touch your ear if you like music".  Every person put their finger to their ear.  One paper said "lick my elbow"- So I said- "Simon Says Lick your elbow, if you know how to lick your elbow."  Almost everyone in the room tried!  Even though only girl could actually do it.  It was fun to see how much they had in common, how unique people are, and to embrace those differences.  It may help to ask the youth to identify one new thing they learned about another person that wasn't already known. The game demonstrates diversity and similarity shared by all participants, and helps kids learn to be tolerant of others.

Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide.

 The Bully:

I didn't have time to do this activity.  But I think it is a good message, especially for younger kids.  Activity – The toothpaste activity – Ask for a volunteer to come to the front of the room. Place a strip of masking tape on the length of the table. With a tube of toothpaste, have the volunteer run a bead of toothpaste on the length of the masking tape.  Now ask the participant to put the toothpaste back in the tube.  Obviously, it can’t be done.  This is an example of how hurtful words once spoken cannot be taken back.  Bullies say hurtful words frequently and need to know the impact that their words have on their victims.

If someone thinks they have a bullying problem, here is a list of things to think about or try.

Treat Everyone with Respect 
Nobody should be mean to others.
Keep in mind that everyone is different. Not better or worse. Just different.  
If you think you have bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone feels better.

 

The Victim:

What to Do If You’re Bullied.  Here are a few tips: 

Look at the kid bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice. You can also try to laugh it off. This works best if joking is easy for you. It could catch the kid bullying you off guard.

If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay away. Don’t fight back. Find an adult to stop the bullying on the spot.

Stay near adults and other kids. Most bullying happens when adults aren’t around.

Victims of Bullying need to remember who they are & they are of value.  Don't let the bully get to you & let you start doubting yourself.  Here are some thoughts about Self Esteem and Self Acceptance.

What is self-acceptance? Self-acceptance is being able to recognize your value as a person.  It is essentially your level of self-worth and feeling of comfort in your own skin regardless of your faults and weaknesses.  Without self-acceptance, one would not be capable of reaching their full potential in life.

What is the difference between self-acceptance and self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a belief or feeling about yourself.  It is what you believe or feel you are capable of doing.  Having high self-esteem can help build self-acceptance.

High Self-Esteem = Feeling good about yourself

Low Self-Esteem = Feeling badly about yourself

 Self-acceptance is more of an action rather than an abstract sense of self.  It is something you do – you stick up for yourself, you utilize your strengths and take responsibly for your faults, and you practice loving yourself every day.

How can I build my self-acceptance?

It usually comes from messages you get about yourself.  These messages can come from other people (like parents, teachers, or friends) or from yourself.  The messages you send yourself is called “Self-Talk.” 

Positive self-talk is when you focus on your strengths and positive qualities, reminding yourself that you are a good and valuable person.

Dealing with bullies must be done in a positive manner. Bullies look for easy targets, so if you respond to initial threats in a confident, self-assured way, it could head off subsequent incidents. Remember: Act confident. Do not show fear or signs that you are intimidated. Most importantly, make and keep some good friends.

The Bystander

A child who is a bystander to bullying may use the following excuses for not intervening or reporting the behavior they witness:

Saying the bully 'is my friend'Saying 'it’s not my problem'Saying that the victim is not their friend Saying that the victim is a 'loser' (this is bullying too!) Saying that the victim 'deserved' to be bullied (NO ONE EVER DESERVES IT!) Saying that the bullying will 'toughen up' the victim. Saying that they would rather be part of the 'in group' than defend the victim Saying that there is nothing they can do about it. Saying that they don't want to be a 'tattle tale'. Saying that they are afraid that they will 'be next' if they do anything.

While speaking with the youth and asking questions about this- they agreed with most of these Bystander thoughts.  I urged them to help kids who are bullied by showing kindness or getting help.

Here are some of the thoughts I shared with this youth group:

What You Can Do

There are things you can do to keep yourself and the kids you know safe from bullying.
Treat Everyone with Respect
Stand Up for Others
Get Involved
Be a Friend
Tell and adult
Help them get away
Set a good example
Don’t give bullying an audience

In Conclusion I suggested to these youth to find someone to talk to about bullying.  I offered the suggestions of:

Parents
Teachers
Youth Leaders
Church Leaders
Friends
Grandparents or other extended family members (Uncles, Aunts, etc.)

I think it is important for our youth to find things they enjoy doing and are good at. Special activities, interests, and hobbies can boost confidence, help kids make friends, and protect them from bullying behavior.

I know the nation's schools are trying so hard to prevent bullying.  I see anti-bullying messages at my son's middle school in every classroom.  I see them on the television.  I hear them from my own children.  I hope that our children will listen, be confident, and be kind.  We need to help them too!

A couple sources that I researched from and found very helpful were:

www.stopbullying.gov and Secret Thinks Mean Stinks

Setting Goals

We all need to set goals.  It gives us something to work toward.  Whether it’s a goal to read a book, or find peace in our lives, become physically fit, get an education, or even get dinner on the table tonight.  We all have goals big and small.  We may not even realize how many goals we set in a day.  We call it our “to do list”.  But to accomplish these goals we have to have a plan.

Goals can become habit, they can improve your overall life, and even other’s.  Some goals can be life changing events.   My current goals that change my daily routine are to learn about & participate (& do well) in the Mrs. Idaho Pageant (plus all the community involvement that goes along with it!).  I need to work out to become physically fit enough to be on stage in a swimsuit, without having a panic attack.  I do have other things in life I would like to do, but I have not created a plan for those.  This is where I have prioritized my time.

There is a person in my life that has been an uplifting voice, encouraging attitude, and perfect picture of endurance.  It is my sister-in-law, Lindsay.  She is always smiling, and sharing positive and kind words.  I’ve never heard her speak ill of another person or put anyone down.  I enjoy being around her, hearing from her, and having her as family and a friend.

Lindsay was a source of inspiration to me this past weekend.  Lindsay told me a few months ago she was doing a sprint triathlon.  She was nervous, but used her knowledge and resources and trained.  Lindsay did research on bikes, attire, wet suits, and training schedules.  She watched YouTube videos to help her be a better swimmer.  She went to the gym and swam laps (sometimes twice a day), rode bikes, and ran.  She practiced transitioning between swim, bike, & run.  She studied the course map and drove the race route.  She practiced swimming in open water; she practiced riding the bike route.  Lindsay has a hubby who made a great support team!  She also had a pretty fun cheering section. ;) 

The day of the event arrived.  We were at the lake early in the morning to cheer her on.  She started & we could barely keep up with her!  She was a speed demon on that course.  She felt good, she had prepared, and the goal was being accomplished!!  She place 1^st in her age division.  It was so fun to see her accomplish this goal she had been working toward.  Lindsay enjoyed it, she was prepared for it, and she performed exceptionally well.  And was still up for pageant shopping afterward!!

It is such an inspiration of how goal setting should be.  Make a plan, work toward that plan, and don’t give up.  Having an event at the end really helps.  You know you have to have it done by a certain time.  My personality type needs something like that to help accomplish goals.  The Pageant as a deadline has been good for me.  Now I want to try a triathlon too!!  Lindsay has given me a lot of energy & great tips.  I know triathlon season is about over & I’m concentrating on the pageant right now.  But I would love to do one next spring/ summer.

I don’t feel like I’m saying anything new.  But hopefully this gives you a nice reminder, a gentle push, or new perspective to goal setting; and maybe even physical fitness.  Please share goals you have set & are working on, or have accomplished!  I would love hear your success stories.  Share some of the struggles you have had while working on goals.  Let’s see if a new perspective can help!!?