Bullying

Bullying is a significant issue in United States schools. In fact, according to a recent report by the National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center, nearly 6 million American children are involved in some way with bullying—whether as the bully or the victim.

What is bullying?
The act of bullying occurs when one child manipulates another child through threats, violence or verbal abuse, or uses other intimidation tactics to force the child to do something or exclude the child from a group. Also, bullies most always have low self-esteem.   This can create the ‘Bully Cycle.’

There are different types of Bullying- Physical bullying, verbal bullying, cyber bullying and more.  Bullying can happen at school, home or in the neighborhood.  Bullying can leave victims feeling powerless, anxious, angry and depressed.

Bullying is often dismissed as part of growing up. But it's actually an early form of aggressive, violent behavior. Statistics show that one in four children who bully will have a criminal record before the age of 30.

Recently while speaking to a youth group we played an anti-bullying game based on Simon Says.  I shared the game hoping to teach the youth that they have shared qualities and differences, likes and dislikes. I had each of them write down one thing they like or is unique about them on a small piece of paper.  Then I drew each paper & game them different instructions.  i.e. the paper said "I Like Music".  I said- "Simon Says- Touch your ear if you like music".  Every person put their finger to their ear.  One paper said "lick my elbow"- So I said- "Simon Says Lick your elbow, if you know how to lick your elbow."  Almost everyone in the room tried!  Even though only girl could actually do it.  It was fun to see how much they had in common, how unique people are, and to embrace those differences.  It may help to ask the youth to identify one new thing they learned about another person that wasn't already known. The game demonstrates diversity and similarity shared by all participants, and helps kids learn to be tolerant of others.

Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide.

 The Bully:

I didn't have time to do this activity.  But I think it is a good message, especially for younger kids.  Activity – The toothpaste activity – Ask for a volunteer to come to the front of the room. Place a strip of masking tape on the length of the table. With a tube of toothpaste, have the volunteer run a bead of toothpaste on the length of the masking tape.  Now ask the participant to put the toothpaste back in the tube.  Obviously, it can’t be done.  This is an example of how hurtful words once spoken cannot be taken back.  Bullies say hurtful words frequently and need to know the impact that their words have on their victims.

If someone thinks they have a bullying problem, here is a list of things to think about or try.

Treat Everyone with Respect 
Nobody should be mean to others.
Keep in mind that everyone is different. Not better or worse. Just different.  
If you think you have bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone feels better.

 

The Victim:

What to Do If You’re Bullied.  Here are a few tips: 

Look at the kid bullying you and tell him or her to stop in a calm, clear voice. You can also try to laugh it off. This works best if joking is easy for you. It could catch the kid bullying you off guard.

If speaking up seems too hard or not safe, walk away and stay away. Don’t fight back. Find an adult to stop the bullying on the spot.

Stay near adults and other kids. Most bullying happens when adults aren’t around.

Victims of Bullying need to remember who they are & they are of value.  Don't let the bully get to you & let you start doubting yourself.  Here are some thoughts about Self Esteem and Self Acceptance.

What is self-acceptance? Self-acceptance is being able to recognize your value as a person.  It is essentially your level of self-worth and feeling of comfort in your own skin regardless of your faults and weaknesses.  Without self-acceptance, one would not be capable of reaching their full potential in life.

What is the difference between self-acceptance and self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a belief or feeling about yourself.  It is what you believe or feel you are capable of doing.  Having high self-esteem can help build self-acceptance.

High Self-Esteem = Feeling good about yourself

Low Self-Esteem = Feeling badly about yourself

 Self-acceptance is more of an action rather than an abstract sense of self.  It is something you do – you stick up for yourself, you utilize your strengths and take responsibly for your faults, and you practice loving yourself every day.

How can I build my self-acceptance?

It usually comes from messages you get about yourself.  These messages can come from other people (like parents, teachers, or friends) or from yourself.  The messages you send yourself is called “Self-Talk.” 

Positive self-talk is when you focus on your strengths and positive qualities, reminding yourself that you are a good and valuable person.

Dealing with bullies must be done in a positive manner. Bullies look for easy targets, so if you respond to initial threats in a confident, self-assured way, it could head off subsequent incidents. Remember: Act confident. Do not show fear or signs that you are intimidated. Most importantly, make and keep some good friends.

The Bystander

A child who is a bystander to bullying may use the following excuses for not intervening or reporting the behavior they witness:

Saying the bully 'is my friend'Saying 'it’s not my problem'Saying that the victim is not their friend Saying that the victim is a 'loser' (this is bullying too!) Saying that the victim 'deserved' to be bullied (NO ONE EVER DESERVES IT!) Saying that the bullying will 'toughen up' the victim. Saying that they would rather be part of the 'in group' than defend the victim Saying that there is nothing they can do about it. Saying that they don't want to be a 'tattle tale'. Saying that they are afraid that they will 'be next' if they do anything.

While speaking with the youth and asking questions about this- they agreed with most of these Bystander thoughts.  I urged them to help kids who are bullied by showing kindness or getting help.

Here are some of the thoughts I shared with this youth group:

What You Can Do

There are things you can do to keep yourself and the kids you know safe from bullying.
Treat Everyone with Respect
Stand Up for Others
Get Involved
Be a Friend
Tell and adult
Help them get away
Set a good example
Don’t give bullying an audience

In Conclusion I suggested to these youth to find someone to talk to about bullying.  I offered the suggestions of:

Parents
Teachers
Youth Leaders
Church Leaders
Friends
Grandparents or other extended family members (Uncles, Aunts, etc.)

I think it is important for our youth to find things they enjoy doing and are good at. Special activities, interests, and hobbies can boost confidence, help kids make friends, and protect them from bullying behavior.

I know the nation's schools are trying so hard to prevent bullying.  I see anti-bullying messages at my son's middle school in every classroom.  I see them on the television.  I hear them from my own children.  I hope that our children will listen, be confident, and be kind.  We need to help them too!

A couple sources that I researched from and found very helpful were:

www.stopbullying.gov and Secret Thinks Mean Stinks

Positive Body Image

There is a lot of talk about Body Image right now.  I want to chime in too!  I volunteered with A Celebration of Real Beauty over the past couple years.  I really enjoyed my experience and the positive message that they share.  My husband teased me when I got started that it was just a program to help overweight women feel better about being overweight.  But that is NOT how I see positive body image.  And that is NOT what A Celebration of Real Beauty is about.  And I have educated my husband (who has NEVER complained about my body), about positive body image.

While I would still like to bring A Celebration of Real Beauty to the Boise area, I have been doing some of my own work with Be The Positive.  Here is the message I would like to share.

Positive Body Image is being able to love the person you are.  It doesn’t matter if you are skinny, overweight, a super model, mother of 10, or a teenager.  If you don’t love yourself right now, you won’t love yourself when your transformation is complete.  You will never be complete.  Be Happy with who you are NOW!

I LOVE Audrey Hepburn.  I think she is elegant and beautiful.  I do not long to look like her, be her size or shape.  But I enjoy her classy style and acting.  And she left some good quotes.

There are a lot of misconceptions about beauty.  We see it on TV, in movies, commercials, and magazines.  Many of the celebrities that we are admiring have spoken out about the airbrushing.  They have told us about the hours and number of people that work on their hair and makeup.  They admit it isn’t real.  They don’t have this luxury every day.  But yet we have this perception of them every day.

In reality- only 5% of women in the world, fit the “perfect” body that has been shown to us, over and over again.  I’m guessing those 5% have spent a lot of money to be in that group.  How is it possible that 95% of us are wishing we looked like so few people?  That’s enough women to start a revolution!!

When we look in the mirror do we wish things looked different?  I know sometimes I look in the mirror and pick at what I think is wrong.  It isn’t always wishing I looked like a celebrity; just not loving my reflection.  I say reflection, because that is my perception of myself.  I know I love my body, but the reflection that I perceive could lose a few inches, have less skin issues, or wear her clothes better.  It is my perception.  When we can see ourselves the way God sees us- as a creation and something to be loved- we will look perfect!

I know that everybody is different.  That is the joy of our world.  God didn’t create anyone to be exactly the same.  We all have different genes, different sizes, and different colors.  I LOVE it!!  We must remember that our bodies are a gift, from a Heavenly Father that created tabernacles for our spirits.  This body is the only one we get and we should cherish and take care of it.

We should eat healthy and be fit.  I know this means different things to everyone reading.  I don’t believe in diets.  I believe in nutrition that fits our lifestyle.  I don’t eat perfectly clean.  I am trying to eat right.  But I love chocolate as much as the next gal!!  I don’t LOVE to get up early and exercise, but I do feel good when I exercise.  I love to dance.  I have learned to enjoy running.  Seriously, I had to learn- another post, another time.  Again, getting that motivation to get out the door isn’t always easy.  But I start to miss it, if I don’t run for a while.  I have been learning about weight lifting.  I am learning to tone my muscles.  This has been a good experience.  I’ve never had a lot of muscle.  I shy away from HEAVY lifting.  But it is nice to build some muscle (I’m not bulking) and be able to use it! 

I don’t exercise to lose weight or change my size.  I exercise because it relieves stress and releases endorphins.  It is a good way to avoid depression.  I try not to look at the other people working out, I don’t want to get caught up with thoughts of “I wish I looked like her!” or “I’m glad I’m not that big”.  That’s not fair to them or me.  We are all there working to be healthy.  We should have a party every day we are there & celebrate our healthy choice and love of our bodies!!  Ha!  Wouldn’t that get more people to the gym.  Can we get cake too?  Ha-ha!!  Sorry… But I do like cake.

Positive Body Image is important to avoid self-doubt, depression, and eating disorders.  Healthy lifestyle is important for avoiding heart disease, high cholesterol, and type II diabetes.  Positive Body Image is all about loving and taking care of our one and only body.

Belly Dance !?!

I LOVE to try new things.  It helps me gain a new perspective, create a new hobby, and learn something new.  It can be frustrating and challenging.  That is why I do it, to challenge myself and challenge my positive point of view.  

I started taking a Belly Dance class about 8 months ago.  It is so fun, challenging, and engaging.  I am definitely a beginner.  But so is everyone else in the class.  We are busy watching our own feet and trying to learn something new.  We don't to care about what other's think.  The class is so liberating.  

Our instructor, Katisha, teaches us to keep trying, feel the dance.  Our bodies and brains aren't working together with all the moves, but she is so encouraging and helpful.  We keep trying.  She goes over the moves and counts as many times as we need.  She teaches us some of the history and culture of the differences in dance.  It so fun to learn how different cultures have interpreted this form of dance.  

I love the environment in the class.  We are all women trying something new, encouraging one another, laughing together (not at each other), and discovering a new sense of our female side.  It is so exhilarating when we learn new dance moves or try dancing with a veil, or finger symbols.  We are doing something bigger than ourselves and finding a new world.

If you know me, you know the following pictures are awkward for me to post.  If you don't know me- I am a very modest person.  I don't like to show a lot of skin or wear skimpy things.  I do hope you can appreciate the costume as much as I did.

This is a traditional costume, Katisha brought for me to try on.  I appreciate being able to put the costume on.  It lit a fire inside.  I couldn't stop smiling.  While learning the dance moves and trying the finger symbols, I felt like the dance was part of me.  I was doing it!  We did some veil dance, and I flowed through the room.  Katisha could see it.  Putting on the costume, really brought the dance to life for me.

This is my instructor Katisha.  She is beautiful inside and out.  She has been dancing since she was 14, if I remember correctly.  She was born in Istanbul, Turkey.  She is currently taking more Belly Dance lessons and is part of a performing group.  She is very knowledgeable about Belly Dance, the history & cultures, and the Belly Dance culture in our own community.

I look forward to Wednesday mornings.  It is such a great opportunity to break away from daily tasks and learn something new.  I go find a new energy, positive outlook, and a renewed sense of self.  I encourage all of you to look up a local belly dance class.  Come to Idaho Athletic in Eagle and join us!  If it's not Belly Dance, find something new, something you've always wanted to try.  You may find something positive out of it.